New Beginning

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Hello! It’s already end of August. Summer is coming to an end. I can already feel the temperature cooling down a bit and sunrise is later nowadays. How about wherever you are at now? Can you tell the difference

My goal is to write at least 1 post every week but I didn’t get to last week. Why? Because I was in Switzerland with family! 🙂 (travel posts coming up soon!). It was a great 10 day adventure exploring different parts of Switzerland, and I also had the chance to visit a tiny bit of Italy (Tirano) and France (Chamonix).

Before I leave, I thought 10 day would be a longgg time to spend with family. I was stoked and felt I’ll have a lot of time to enjoy Europe. I suppose good time doesn’t last long, and time just flew by when you are having fun. Before I know it, it was time to say goodbye to family, flying back to Charlotte alone, and back to reality.

To me, Switzerland was not only a trip to finally reunite with family (the 4 of us!) for awhile in the same place, but also an escape. August is full of changes for me. Being away from Charlotte allows me to pretend what I am afraid of isn’t happening, and the amazing time with family seeing the beauty of Switzerland can also be considered a very helpful distraction.

A. left Charlotte yesterday for job promotion. I am officially alone here now. Don’t ask me how I feel because right now I am still playing the game of ‘pretending’ that A. is only away for a long business trip and I get to plan weekend eateries and adventures again soon. Although that’s not really the case this time. A. is gone.

I have never been good at saying goodbye. I hate saying goodbye, yet just this year I have to say so many goodbye under different circumstances. The hardest is to say it to the people you care the most. I don’t know why after only 1 day saying goodbye to my family at Zurich airport, I have to send another important person in my life off again. It’s back-to-back, it’s difficult, and I don’t like it.

I don’t know how to cope with this yet. I guess I never will.

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Luckily my job is keeping me busy in a good way. I am learning a bunch of new things that I’ve never used before. I am a little stressed out because of the new structural changes at my department that was announced when I was away on vacation. Additionally, because I am so new to everything, I’ve been very conscious and wondering if I am contributing enough (it’s my 6th day!).

You see. Just a million things all cramped into one month for me to deal with. This is tough.

I still have a lot to figure out, but luckily, tomorrow is Friday and I have the weekend to sleep in, and try to find some sort of balance to live on.

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Life is full of challenges, unexpected twists and turns, and changes. I know the rest of 2016 will be a difficult one for me, but all I can do is try my best and make the best out of it. I miss California. I miss family. I miss A. I miss having deep conversations with friends that does not involve hanging at a brewery (which seems like the norm here that I do not enjoy).

I admit it’s a scary thing living here without any sort of family/friend support system now that A. is away. It’s always easy to find fun friends, but impossible to find someone who’s willing to go that extra mile to help you at your slowest moment.

Today is the official first day of new beginning for me. I don’t like it now, and I highly doubt when I look back I’ll ever like it. Yet, when there’s nothing I can do about it I can only take a deep breath, do I can, and try to make it a good day.

If only we can pause our favourite moment and make it eternity… Then there wouldn’t be so much fear, uncertainty, and goodbyes.

k.

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