It’s Emotional – Reality Check

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*Los Angeles view from the plane*

Hey y’all – having a case of the Monday?

Not going to lie I am having one ‘big’ case of the Monday. In case you are wondering, yes, I have returned from my vacation from one side of the world to the other, and yes, it’s only been 2 days and the adjustment is hard. Way harder than I had expected.

Perhaps the older we are, the more we realize we are not as brave or tough as we thought we are… Do you feel that way, readers? I long for independence, the ability to have my little space, the freedom to see the world, etc. etc. etc. I finally have the chance to experience something I did not have access to when I accepted the offer here at the Queen city, but this trip back to Taipei hit me hard because I realize sometimes things I ignore or disregard for the longest time might be something that matter to me more than I know.

Family. Home.

I have lived in many places throughout my life, and obviously have special memories at each place. Growing up I always found it hard to identify where is my ‘home’? I guess this trip back made me realize Taipei is my home. I’ve spent so much time (on and off) there and I’ve got most of my family there… It is somewhere I could find peace of mind knowing I will always have backup support. After weeks there, it was very difficult to return to my little apartment – alone. I’ve got my things, it is my home here, but something’s missing. Even the plane ride was scary because I was so used to direct flight. There’s no direct flight so I flew from Taipei to LAX, and connect AA from LAX to Charlotte. It is my first time having to constantly thinking about my plane ride because I cannot risk missing my connection. I have no issue flying alone, but somehow this trip was emotional and sentimental. Luckily I had my new little partner accompany me the journey – the little rilakkuma bear I purchased at Rilakkuma cafe. It is so small and easy to bring everywhere. I felt a little better having it around.

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*corner of my seat flying China Airlines’ business from Taipei to LAX* Trust me, when it comes to long flight mask is your friend 😉

I was lucky I did not run into any drama connecting my flight, but the entire time still feel unrested because I’ve heard all the horrible stories of airports in the US losing luggages… Thankfully everything was nice and smooth. I made it back to my apartment safe with all my stuffs.

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A. surprised me with a vase of beautiful & colorful roses (arranged all by A.!) along with a balloon. It’s my first time getting roses, and the ballon sure made me smile. It was so nice to have A. around or else I really cannot imagine how to deal with the first days back with jet lag, emotional feelings, and the uncertainty feelings not sure about future.

Do you have similar experience like me? Having to leave family behind for work? Return from an emotional trip to a lonely apartment that’s still your ‘home’? Long distance travel alone? Tips or advise to get over the sadness?

I am missing my family a lot, and unfortunately not finding much comfort from work even though it is keeping me busy and active… Feeling like there will be some big changes the upcoming months if I no longer will to compromise. Fingers crossed!

Special thanks to A. for being there for me and accept me as a cry baby. Simply cannot imagine how it’d be without your help and encouragement. I’ll be alone for a good while but the flowers and balloon will remind me I am not that ‘alone.’ Many thanks to my family and friends for always being there for me. Cannot imagine a life without their presence. So important.

Missing the city, family, and the life there. But I must go on,

k.

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