February Thoughts

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Some people say February is the month of love, or the month of romance, and a lot of people like February because it can be considered as the end of cold dull winter. Normally I do not have much feeling for February… I do love Valentine’s Day and all the lovely pink hearts and romantic decorations, but the celebration and campaigns are something we see every year that just do not particularly ‘stand out’ to me. Every year February comes and go just like the other months, but this year, February is a very difficult month for me regardless of the fact I did have one of the best Valentine’s weekend in a long time.

I love working, and I love being active to contribute to new ideas. I have 100% respect to girls who dream to be stay-at-home moms, but that’s just not me. I love the feeling of success, the power to contribute, and the environment to strive to be better. To be honest, I did not realise how much I love the creative / communication industry until I left… Anyways, work is something I consider very important in my life, and unfortunately, at this moment of my life, work is something that brings me the most stress and difficulties everyday.

I have heard from a lot of people older than me who said “life isn’t about work” or “work should not define who you are” or “work should not be everything…” etc. I am aware of that, and I have definitely said that to friends and people to encourage them before. However, everything’s a complete different story when you are in it.

I am grateful for my loving family, friends, and mentors. All of their encouragements mean the world to me, yet I still cannot help but worry big time about whether I should hang on to the current position for money’s sake and leave until I have a back up plan, or I should just quit and never deal with the B***S*** anymore? It is something I think about everyday in February but still unable to find an answer because there is no correct answer when it comes to this kind of big decision…

Readers, have you been through a situation like this where you are not sure whether to stay for the sake of money or just leave because it is a career that has no future or hope? How did you deal with it? What was the result?

I tend to over-think and at one point question if it is my own issue. Thankfully after talking to multiple people and reviewing the company’s performance and employee movement / structure last year I no longer blame myself. It is not about me. The only thing I should blame myself is I trusted too much but in the end interview was merely an interview, promised job description was just for reference… Working at a start-up sure has its glamorous side and pros, but after this experience I realise start-up could only work for some people, and there are also many different kinds and styles of start-up. Perhaps it is wiser to go for a start-up that is more structured… and do pay close attention to the leader’s background. It will affect you. A LOT.

February isn’t a very good month for me, and even typing this right now I cannot help but worry about my day tomorrow. It will be a Friday, but I will have to go to work… Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? I guess I just need to take a deep breath, a good night’s sleep (don’t mind my monster cough), and deal with it for money.

Monday was Chinese Lantern Festival and I did manage to make some sesame tangyuan with sweet peanut soup as mini celebration for myself. It was comforting, warm, and delicious.

Do you know or have you heard of Chinese Lantern Festival? I have lots of fond memories going to see the beautiful lanterns with family in Taiwan when I was a little kid. The lanterns nowadays aren’t as fancy compared to the old days, but I always think about the old days when it was winter vacation and I had a little lantern in my hand holding parents’ and brother’s hand to see the lantern festival.

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Tomorrow is Friday. I sure hope it’ll go by fast and smooth. Will need the weekend to continue to recover from sickness.

Hope everyone’s staying warm and positive.

k. x

*photo found on Google image & instagrammer klisbeth831

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